{"id":878,"date":"2012-04-19T16:01:07","date_gmt":"2012-04-19T10:31:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/naveen.bachwani.com\/dad\/?p=878"},"modified":"2012-04-19T16:01:07","modified_gmt":"2012-04-19T10:31:07","slug":"identity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/naveen.bachwani.com\/beingdad\/2012\/04\/identity\/","title":{"rendered":"Identity"},"content":{"rendered":"

A post on Neeraj’s blog opens up an interesting debate on Identity<\/a> – the issue of growing up in one country, migrating to another and rasing a child in a new culture…<\/p>\n

But what about my son? He\u2019s not American. Unless I invest a lot of time explaining the very rich cultural intricacies of his country of birth, he\u2019ll be in no-man\u2019s land for the rest of his life. The missus pointed out that he doesn\u2019t even look American. If he stays in America, his ABCD (American Born Confused Desi <\/em>i.e. Indian) counterparts will probably be black belts in Bharatnatyam, Carnatic\/Hindustani music and would know the operational details of organizing satsangs. I can\u2019t teach him these things because I don\u2019t know them. If we all go back to India, it\u2019s going to be spectacularly unfair on him. India\u2019s cultural heritage isn\u2019t something to be scoffed at and it isn\u2019t something you can just pick up as you \u201cgo along\u201d. There is no \u201chit the ground running\u201d. It\u2019s a slow burn, melding into the fabric of the country one day at a time.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

As it turns out, the author has decided to adopt the braver choice…<\/p>\n

If he does grow up in America, I need to steel myself for the moments when the influence of his adopted country and his peer group will clash with what I\u2019ve been taught to dislike or disapprove. It won\u2019t just be a generation gap I\u2019ll battle, it will also be a cultural gap.<\/p>\n

But I\u2019d rather be the parent who accords his child the right to take a stand and then engage in debate, rather than obfuscate his sense of identity with a hybrid, meaningless amalgam of cultures and then be responsible for his disillusionment.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

As I read through the post, it occured to me that on a more generic level, the issue he has written about is similar to many more that parents face \u2013 even those that haven\u2019t migrated to a foreign land. And, that is : \u201cShould you allow your children to live Life on their own terms or not?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

It is great that, as a parent, Neeraj is aware of the complexities involved and is willing to take the path less trodden, even if he doesn’t have all the answers yet. Like him, me and the mrs. have also chosen to tread that path. That is why we encourage both our children to ask questions and think for themselves. That is why we don’t dumb down our answers when we speak to our children. That is why they are both turning out to be precocious little humans.<\/p>\n

Yes, it takes more energy to field their questions, rather than taking the easy way out. Yes, they are turning out to be more assertive and strong-willed than their peers. Yes, there is a good chance that their ways will diverge from our’s when the time comes, and we may not be able to do much about that. But, if it helps them cope with what Life has to offer on their own terms… if it makes them better individuals… it would all be worth it.<\/p>\n

May the force be with us all.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A post on Neeraj’s blog opens up an interesting debate on Identity – the issue of growing up in one country, migrating to another and<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-878","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-better-parenting"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/naveen.bachwani.com\/beingdad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/878","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/naveen.bachwani.com\/beingdad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/naveen.bachwani.com\/beingdad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naveen.bachwani.com\/beingdad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naveen.bachwani.com\/beingdad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=878"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/naveen.bachwani.com\/beingdad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/878\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/naveen.bachwani.com\/beingdad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=878"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naveen.bachwani.com\/beingdad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=878"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/naveen.bachwani.com\/beingdad\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=878"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}