A casual conversation at breakfast left me a little stunned. I was going through the headlines of the local daily, when the following happened…
Pumpkin: Papa, do you know why girls are better than boys? Papa: Why, Pumpkin? Pumpkin: I’ll tell you… it’s because of 2 reasons… Girls go to col-lege to get know ledge Boys go to school to become a fool ! and Girls drink pepsi to be sexy Boys drink “dudu” (milk) to become a “buddhu” (fool)
Pumpkin: Papa, do you know why girls are better than boys?
Papa: Why, Pumpkin?
Pumpkin: I’ll tell you… it’s because of 2 reasons…
Girls go to col-lege to get know ledge Boys go to school to become a fool !
and
Girls drink pepsi to be sexy Boys drink “dudu” (milk) to become a “buddhu” (fool)
Now, you know.
An excellent post on KidsHealth got me thinking about the imminent dangers of my children getting bullied in school…
Most kids have been teased by a sibling or a friend at some point. And it’s not usually harmful when done in a playful, friendly, and mutual way, and both kids find it funny. But when teasing becomes hurtful, unkind, and constant, it crosses the line into bullying and needs to stop. It’s important to take bullying seriously and not just brush it off as something that kids have to “tough out.” The effects can be serious and affect kids’ sense of self-worth and future relationships. In severe cases, bullying has contributed to tragedies, such as school shootings.
Most kids have been teased by a sibling or a friend at some point. And it’s not usually harmful when done in a playful, friendly, and mutual way, and both kids find it funny. But when teasing becomes hurtful, unkind, and constant, it crosses the line into bullying and needs to stop.
It’s important to take bullying seriously and not just brush it off as something that kids have to “tough out.” The effects can be serious and affect kids’ sense of self-worth and future relationships. In severe cases, bullying has contributed to tragedies, such as school shootings.
The KidsHealth writeup offers many helpful pointers on how to spot the problem and how to deal with it. So, do give it a good read.
The Mayo Clinic also supports the view that bullying is a serious issue, and offers more helpful advice…
Bullying was once considered a childhood rite of passage. Today, however, bullying is recognized as a serious problem. Up to half of all children are bullied at some point during their school years, according to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. And thanks to tech-savvy kids, cyberbullying and other forms of electronic harassment are now commonplace. To help your child handle school bullying, learn to recognize it – and know how to respond.
Bullying was once considered a childhood rite of passage. Today, however, bullying is recognized as a serious problem. Up to half of all children are bullied at some point during their school years, according to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. And thanks to tech-savvy kids, cyberbullying and other forms of electronic harassment are now commonplace.
To help your child handle school bullying, learn to recognize it – and know how to respond.
You may think this is a problem that does not affect your kids today, but unless you learn to read the signs, how will you know?
Hot on the heels of my last post – All Joy, No Fun? – comes one that examines the “Case for Having More Kids“, thanks to a thought-provoking writeup by Bryan Caplan in the Wall Street Journal…
Amid the Father’s Day festivities, many of us are privately asking a Scroogely question: “Having kids — what’s in it for me?” Most of us believe that kids used to be a valuable economic asset. They worked the farm, and supported you in retirement. In the modern world, the story goes, the economic benefits of having kids seem to have faded away. While parents today make massive personal and financial sacrifices, children barely reciprocate. Many conclude that if you value your happiness and spending money, the only way to win the modern parenting game is not to play.
Amid the Father’s Day festivities, many of us are privately asking a Scroogely question: “Having kids — what’s in it for me?”
Most of us believe that kids used to be a valuable economic asset. They worked the farm, and supported you in retirement. In the modern world, the story goes, the economic benefits of having kids seem to have faded away. While parents today make massive personal and financial sacrifices, children barely reciprocate.
Many conclude that if you value your happiness and spending money, the only way to win the modern parenting game is not to play.
The WSJ article cites a number of helpful studies, hard facts and relevant statistics. It is worth reading in entirety, even if you’re remotely interested in the “big question” – Should you have kids?
Most notably, however, the writeup offers some real solutions to some of the biggest problems concerning parenting!
The main problem with parenting pessimists, though, is that they assume there’s no acceptable way to make parenting less work and more fun. Parents may feel like their pressure, encouragement, money and time are all that stands between their kids and failure. But decades’ worth of twin and adoption research says the opposite: Parents have a lot more room to safely maneuver than they realize, because the long-run effects of parenting on children’s outcomes are much smaller than they look. If you enjoy reading with your children, wonderful. But if you skip the nightly book, you’re not stunting their intelligence, ruining their chances for college or dooming them to a dead-end job. The same goes for the other dilemmas that weigh on parents’ consciences. Watching television, playing sports, eating vegetables, living in the right neighborhood: Your choices have little effect on your kids’ development, so it’s OK to relax. In fact, relaxing is better for the whole family. Riding your kids “for their own good” rarely pays off, and it may hurt how your children feel about you. If you simply don’t like kids, research has little to say to you. If however you’re interested in kids, but scared of the sacrifices, research has two big lessons. First, parents’ sacrifice is much smaller than it looks, and childless and single is far inferior to married with children. Second, parents’ sacrifice is much larger than it has to be. Twin and adoption research shows that you don’t have to go the extra mile to prepare your kids for the future. Instead of trying to mold your children into perfect adults, you can safely kick back, relax and enjoy your journey together – and seriously consider adding another passenger.
The main problem with parenting pessimists, though, is that they assume there’s no acceptable way to make parenting less work and more fun. Parents may feel like their pressure, encouragement, money and time are all that stands between their kids and failure. But decades’ worth of twin and adoption research says the opposite: Parents have a lot more room to safely maneuver than they realize, because the long-run effects of parenting on children’s outcomes are much smaller than they look.
If you enjoy reading with your children, wonderful. But if you skip the nightly book, you’re not stunting their intelligence, ruining their chances for college or dooming them to a dead-end job. The same goes for the other dilemmas that weigh on parents’ consciences. Watching television, playing sports, eating vegetables, living in the right neighborhood: Your choices have little effect on your kids’ development, so it’s OK to relax. In fact, relaxing is better for the whole family. Riding your kids “for their own good” rarely pays off, and it may hurt how your children feel about you.
If you simply don’t like kids, research has little to say to you. If however you’re interested in kids, but scared of the sacrifices, research has two big lessons. First, parents’ sacrifice is much smaller than it looks, and childless and single is far inferior to married with children. Second, parents’ sacrifice is much larger than it has to be. Twin and adoption research shows that you don’t have to go the extra mile to prepare your kids for the future. Instead of trying to mold your children into perfect adults, you can safely kick back, relax and enjoy your journey together – and seriously consider adding another passenger.
I only wish I’d known of all this, earlier. On the other hand, it’s never too late to improve…
A good friend posted yet another writeup on the “childfree argument” and the trials and tribulations of Parenthood:
An extremely well-written overview of recent studies showing how and why the fun has gone out of parenthood: All Joy and No Fun Why is this important to the childfree by choice? Well, the next time someone says, “You’ll regret not having kid.” or, “Parenthood is such a joy, you’re missing out” you can send them a link to this article.
An extremely well-written overview of recent studies showing how and why the fun has gone out of parenthood:
All Joy and No Fun
Why is this important to the childfree by choice? Well, the next time someone says, “You’ll regret not having kid.” or, “Parenthood is such a joy, you’re missing out” you can send them a link to this article.
And, I was compelled to respond…
That’s a detailed writeup with lots of references to well-founded studies, no doubt. But, I do not think it is putting forth an argument that has no “other” side.
I quote from the writeup… “A few generations ago, people weren’t stopping to contemplate whether having a child would make them happy. Having children was simply what you did. And we are lucky, today, to have choices about these matters.“
The question is, why are we beginning to examine this new “choice”. Is it really because it’s better for the planet to have less resource-depleting human beings on it? Or could it be self-centeredness on our part? Or hubris? Just the pursuit of our own happiness/comfort/convenience, above all else?
Once again, I quote from the writeup… “Children may provide unrivaled moments of joy. But they also provide unrivaled moments of frustration, tedium, anxiety, heartbreak. This scene, which isn’t even all that awful or uncommon, makes it perfectly clear why parenting may be regarded as less fun than having dinner with friends or baking a cake. Loving one’s children and loving the act of parenting are not the same thing.”
Re-read this para in light of the questions I asked earlier. Yes, travelling across the world or catching a movie with friends can be infinitely more satisfying to us as individuals, than the trials and tribulations of “parenting”, in spite of the limitless love we may have for our children. So why do some of us do it?!
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again – Parenting is not for everyone. And, I don’t mean to imply that being childfree is not an option. But, there’s gotta be more to the reason than individual comfort and convenience, don’t you think?!
Every Life has a purpose, even though, at times, it may not be quite apparent to us. And, being a part of nature’s creation process may be the one thing that brings us all closer to Nature herself, and by extension, to God (or whatever life-force we believe in!)
We may each have our reasons for doing what we choose to do (and not doing so, too)! The next kid that walks this Earth may not invent cold fusion, but that doesn’t mean that his/her time on this planet was purposeless…
Hidden Treasures
Earlier today, I was helping Pumpkin get ready for school when we began talking about Disneyland. Now, typically, when we talk of any thing that costs a lot of money, I try to bring in the message that, if we really want something and it costs a lot, we can buy it if we “save” for it. I should also mention that just a week ago, we’d bought some furniture for the house and had told Pumpkin that mama and papa were saving for a few more pieces of furniture we wanted to bring into the house. Here’s what happened…
Papa: You know, a lot of parents and children visit Cinderella’s castle in Disneyland?! Pumpkin: Really?! I want to go too… Papa: Sure. We’ll take both of you there once we’ve saved up enough money to buy us the tickets. Pumpkin: I hope you start saving soon for it, Papa… Papa: Sure. We’ve already started saving for it. Don’t worry about it. Pumpkin: Now, please stop saving for all the tables and cupboards so that we can save for Disneyland! Papa: Don’t worry, Pumpkin. We’ll save for both Disneyland and the furniture we want to buy… Pumpkin: (After a slight pause) I think we’ll need to find a cave soon. Papa: A “cave”?! What for? Pumpkin: In case we can’t save enough… Caves have hidden treasures inside them!!!
Papa: You know, a lot of parents and children visit Cinderella’s castle in Disneyland?!
Pumpkin: Really?! I want to go too…
Papa: Sure. We’ll take both of you there once we’ve saved up enough money to buy us the tickets.
Pumpkin: I hope you start saving soon for it, Papa…
Papa: Sure. We’ve already started saving for it. Don’t worry about it.
Pumpkin: Now, please stop saving for all the tables and cupboards so that we can save for Disneyland!
Papa: Don’t worry, Pumpkin. We’ll save for both Disneyland and the furniture we want to buy…
Pumpkin: (After a slight pause) I think we’ll need to find a cave soon.
Papa: A “cave”?! What for?
Pumpkin: In case we can’t save enough… Caves have hidden treasures inside them!!!
