Yesterday, I turned 36.  And, I chose to celebrate my birthday by taking the day off, and spending it with my family.  Lunch with my better half, play time with the kids, and finally, dinner with my family and in-laws.  In short, one of the nicest birthdays I’ve had in a long time.

I was just thinking about that when I chanced upon another interesting post by my good friend – Neeraj.  Now, I’m not a fan of the obscure titles he choses for his blog posts, but he does churn out some thought-provoking stuff.  His recent post – Tempus Fugit – is one such example.

Preserving each memory of their children into jpegs and mpegs, struggling to find more storage, more space, more pen drives, more hard drives. Anything that could bring them closer to the myriad ways they knew their kids. I thought growing up sounded pretty hard for a parent.

I was wrong. It’s much worse.

… Possibly in a bid to rationalize my muddled priorities a couple years ago I asked myself whether it’s easier to connect with your child when he/she’s a little older and able to communicate. Maybe. Then I lapsed back into my blue funk when I realized the difference between “connect” and “bond”. Those videos of me and Tyke when he was a baby or a babbling brook weren’t of vedic instructions repeated flawlessly by an eager ward. They were of delight, joy, warmth, bonding with your child and discovering what it means to be a dad. Unfortunately, there’s only 60 videos worth of me getting there.

I remember the time I had traded in my Royal Enfield bullet (350cc classic bike) for a camcorder, when Pumpkin was born.  Seven years have passed since that day, and I am left richer with megabytes of memories by way of still photos, videos, mobile pics and blog posts… memories that we as a family will cherish for years to come.  And, through this blog, I hope to leave behind a legacy of these moments for my children – a way for them to relive their formative years – something I was not fortunate to have as a child.

Yes, I still long for a ride on a bullet, and turn my head every time I pass one on the streets.  But, I have no regrets for the tradeoffs I’ve made in my life, since my children were born.  They bring an incredible amount of joy, fascination, amazement and wonder to our lives – just being with those two little people can do all that!

Neeraj sums it up beautifully, when we writes:

Today, I’m heavily invested in things I’m always going to hold on to for the rest of my life; a family, children, work and friends – online and offline. The first two will always deserve more than their fairshare and the other two will always demand more than their fairshare. It’s up to me to balance those inequities before time runs out.

You and me, both, I say.

A tweet from my friend Jin Yang reminded me of how often we adults take children for granted, and how important it is to follow through what they’re trying to say to us.

Yang’s tweet was about a blog post called Wood Tape, in which Scott Nesin writes about an incident that happened with his son. What follows is a remarkable account of what can happen if you give your children a listen.  Here’s just a brief excerpt, though you really need to read the entire post:

My wife calls me at work, and we have the usual end-of-the-day chat. Then:
“Oh, by the way, Guy wants you to take him to the hardware store, he wants to get some tape.”
“What kind of tape?”
“He says he wants ‘wood tape’.”
“Wood tape?”
“Wood tape.”
“Uhhh, ok. When?”
“Sometime this weekend. He is really looking forward to going.”

Guy is my four-year-old son. No problem, I just need a fraction of an excuse to visit a hardware store…

After the entire story had unfolded, Nesin writes:

… I think back over the day and see the signs now. I remember earlier bits and pieces that all make sense. I should not be surprised, this is not the first time something like this has happened. I certainly didn’t think it was beyond a four-year-old’s ability, but I just never saw it coming. I keep trying not to underestimate the little stinkers, but they keep sneaking up on me.

My own predicament is no different.  As a parent, I try my best not to underestimate my children, by encouraging them to voice their thoughts and see them through.  Despite that, time and again, I have been surprised by the immense potential that they show to absorb a new concept or embrace a new idea or deliver on something that I would not expect them to do at such an early age.

Nesin’s post was a reminder that the limitations exist only in our minds, as adults.  Perhaps, because we have forgotten how to be like children.

A fellow mommy blogger posted an interesting piece entitled “Five things motherhood/parenthood has taught me“, and tagged me in it.  I thought it was a great idea to use the opportunity to put down some of my own learnings on the subject.  Though, I must confess, I have a feeling that this is going to be just one in a series of such posts on my part, hence the number 1 at the end.

So, here are some of the most important lessons I’ve learned in my journey as a parent:

1. Your children need your presence more than your presents.  ~Jesse Jackson

Time and again, I have found myself being surprised by the amount of joy my children experience, just by virtue of me or the mrs. spending some good quality time with them.  Not to mention the number of occassions on which a single piece of chocolate or a toy that costs less than 20 bucks can make their day!  Excess is for losers, I say. 

2. Don’t handicap your children by making their lives easy.  ~Robert A. Heinlein

In Life, as in Parenting, you gotta make some tough calls at times.  Every parent needs to do it.  And, every parent should.  Even if it means upsetting your child for the moment, and resisting the temptation of spoiling him/her.  So keep your own needs (of gratitude) aside, and take the decision that is in the best interest of your child. Every time.

3. The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.  ~Lane Olinghouse

If you’re considering being a parent, and simultaneously entertaining the notion that Life will still offer you opportunities to have some “quiet time” every day, forget about it!  At least for the first 4-5 years of your child, it’s going to be all about your child.  No, really.  Get used to the idea, and you’ll do just fine.

4. What a child doesn’t receive he can seldom later give.  ~P.D. James

Your children will do as you do, not as you say.  So, the best thing you can do for them is lead by example.  (Sometimes, that also means apologizing to them.)  If you think you can simply instruct them to live life a certain way, while you continue to do the opposite, you’re in for a big surprise!

5. The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are unemployed.  ~Author Unknown

It’s true.  No matter how much you prepare for it, you’re never going to be fully prepared for what is going to unfold in your life as a parent.  So, the sooner you learn to relax and focus on the essentials, the happier you’ll be as a family.

More to come…

A holiday in Goa!

We were on our way back from a recent road-trip to Goa.  We’d been to Goa (with and without the kids) many times before, but this time was different since we went driving!  Despite all our apprehensions, the kids held up well throughout the to and fro journeys, and we all had a blast.  Just out of curiosity, on the way back, I asked the kids if they had a good time.  Here’s what happened next…

Papa: So, did you guys have a good time in Goa?

Pumpkin: Yes, papa.  We had a great time.  Goa has such nice road signs : Curve ahead, speedbreaker ahead, etc. instead of Bombay which only has Don’t Honk and Don’t Park!!!

Papa: What about you, Tiger?

Tiger: Yes, yes.  I also had fun.  Next time, when I grow up, will you bring my school friends and my garden friends and we’ll all come back to Goa?  Please?!

How could any one say no to that?

Fair and Square

We were just going to drop by my in-laws to pick up a packet, and I decided to take Tiger with me for the short drive, when this happened…

Tiger: Papa, can I please take my cars with me?

Papa: Ok, Tiger, but pick one. (After all, it was a 5-minute drive)

Tiger: Ok, papa, let’s make it fair and square – we’ll make it double!

Papa: How is it fair and square to “make it double” ?!

Tiger: Ok, then can I take three?

Papa: Tiger, the choice is between Zero and One.

Tiger: Ok, then I choose zero.

I assumed he was going to sulk for a bit, and that’s why he chose zero.  But I was to learn a new concept soon…

(After driving for a few minutes)

Tiger: Where’s my zero car, Papa?

Now, you know.

Casting a Spell

A few weeks ago, Pumpkin turned 7.

I was curious to know what she thought about the most significant developments of the past year, so I went ahead and asked her…

Papa: Pumpkin, now that you’ve turned 7, what is the most important thing you remember about the months that went by?

Pumpkin: Hmmm… I think the most important thing was that a witch cast a spell on me and my best friend!

Papa: Really?!  How did that happen? (I almost fell off my chair when I heard that)

Pumpkin: Oh, Papa.  An evil witch cast a spell on both of us last year - that’s why we have to go to school every day!  Before that, we used to go to office instead of school.

Papa: Wow!  And, how will that spell ever end?

Pumpkin: Only when school ends forever.

Now, you know.