After reading this post, a young man recently wrote to me by email that he and his wife were planning to stay childfree, and asking me for my thoughts on his particular case. Here’s my reply…

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Most people I know of, have a child because it seems to be the natural thing to do, in terms of contributing to the notion of a complete family and making sure your gene pool lives on. It also gives some meaning to the pursuit of work and success, knowing that someone (the next generation) will benefit from the fruits of your labour. That’s not to say that one cannot find meaning in each other as a couple. Or that being childfree is not an option.

As the Childfree website writes, “Making the choice to be childfree is not something that is chosen lightly. In many cases childfree people have thought longer and harder about why NOT to have kids than their counterparts have thought about why TO have kids.”

That said, I’ve also written on my post that “The experience of being a parent is unlike any other… any list of Top 100 reasons or the likes will not even come close to experiencing the sheer joy of holding a newborn in your hand.”

Once you have a child, having a second child has its own considerations. Most parents I know of will have a second child (even though it means a lot of effort in the first 4-5 years of the newborn), simply because it’s better for the first child to have company! Yes, it adds to costs and comes with its own set of problems (sibling rivalry, fights and squabbles, etc.) But like most things in life, these decisions are not entirely rational – and can’t be adequately explained by breaking it down.

What I’m trying to say is that there are no correct answers or shortcuts to your decision. It’s a little like getting married. In your bachelor years, if friends or family talk about the prospect of your settling down, it feels like an assault on your freedom and your sense of who you are. But, one day, when you’re ready for it… it all comes together. And feels natural.

If being childree comes naturally to you, be so. If having children feels right, be a parent.

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nice post.