In a recent post, MetroDad waxes eloquently on the evil empire of Disney and the effect its produce is likely to have on his toddler.  Here are just a few excerpts:

Disney Princesses are terrible role models.

Most of them spend half their time in captivity or in a coma, waking up only when a prince comes along and kisses them. The only ones who are exceptions to this are Mulan and Pocahontas. Hell, Mulan has to dress up as a boy to fight in the army and Pocahantas lacks full princess status…

The Princesses create unrealistic body images for young girls.

The princesses are invariably tall, thin, and buxom with perfectly coiffed hair and impeccably plucked eyebrows. Whereas the average American woman is 5′ 4″, weighs 145 lbs., and wears between a size 11-14, if Cinderella were a real person, she’d be 6′ 0″, weigh 100 lbs., and wear a size 4. Her measurements would be an incredible 39-19-33…

And, he goes on to write about how girls shouldn’t be forced to play with dolls and boys with trucks, and about the business empire of Disney and how much money it makes, etc. etc. etc.

If you’re not a parent, you’re probably reading this and laughing at us parents; How can a doll be taken so seriously, right?!

But it can, and it does.  The wife and I, often have heated debated on the merits and demerits of many things that can potentially impact our children, be it TV programs or movies of a certain kind or toys that reinforce undesirable stereotypes. 

It’s all rooted in wanting to give the best to our children, without spoiling them – a feat that’s way tougher to execute than to describe!  And, the fuel that drives these discussions is love for our children… the kind that makes grown men debate endlessly on the demerits of a Barbie or a Cinderella doll!!! 

I do hope our children grow up to understand just how much we love them…

Last Sunday, we took the kids to see a circus!  It was the first time ever that Pumpkin experienced a circus in all its glory.  Frankly, it had been more than a decade since the wife or I had been to a live circus act, so we didn’t know how it had evolved over the years.  Naturally, we were pleasantly surprised to see that the neighbourhood Kohinoor Circus (an Indian production) also featured acrobats from Russia, among their acts.  Of course, it also featured the usual bird show, elephant tricks, dog tricks, the “circle of death” motorcycle act, a plethora of clowns and a range of acrobatic acts… All in all, it made for a great experience…

But, that is not the entire story.  As it turned out, a bigger surprise was in store for us.

A few days ago, we had applied for Pumpkin’s admission to the nearby school, as she was to begin kindergarten in the coming months.  She was a bright child, and the local school was not very demanding.  As a result, we were pretty sure she would make it.  So sure, in fact, that we did not try anywhere else.  This was, after all, going to be our “backup” school, in case we don’t get through the one that was most in demand. 

I had taken an off from work to make it to the school interview.  The parents would be interviewed and the child would be “observed”.  We prepared Pumpkin for possible questions that may be asked, by playing a game of quiz at home.  She had a lot of fun and was eager to go to the “big school” to show off her knowledge quotient.  The big day came, and we cracked it.  The parents’ interview was a breeze, and Pumpkin soon finished her designated puzzle and wanted to do a couple more!

While collecting the form initially, the counter had advised us to apply for Senior KG as Pumpkin would be eligible for the higher level, considering her age was short of the requirement by just a few months.  Since then, after speaking with a number of other (equally anxious) parents, we’d decided that we would request the school to accept her in Junior KG, instead of putting undue pressure on the child at such a young age.  Most of the time spent on the interview day was spent in sorting that confusion out.  The procedure was a bit complicated, and people at each stage had to be explained what the mixup was.  Finally, we were told that it would be done.

The day came when the shortlisted names of children were put up on the notice board.  BossLady promptly set off for the school at the designated time.  But, to our horror, Pumpkin’s name was not on any list!

This could not be right.  She was such a bright child, after all.  Did we screw up with the parent answers, instead?  We haven’t even applied to any other school in the neighbourhood. 

There was no backup for our backup!

I was off in a residential Training program, and soon the panic call came: “We didn’t make it.  What do we do now?”

Between the two of us, my wife is the more worrying type.  I told her to calm down (which almost never works when you’re already so agitated), and that once I am back in town, I would sort this out.  But it wasn’t that easy, was it?  After all, we were talking about our child’s future, here.  This was a good school, and walking distance from our house.  What if the other one didn’t come through either?  Would we lose a year?!

More calls and heated arguments followed.  The wife insisting that it was something we said, and I insisting that the stupid school doesn’t have any reasonable selection criteria.  We knew other – less able – children who had made it.  In any case, we had to do something.

Every day and night that followed was filled with this concern.  I decided that the first available working day, I would sort it all out.  Meanwhile, we started making calls to friends and helpline numbers, trying to get phone numbers of all the schools in the surrounding geography and expanding the “backup” list as best as possible.  Some schools were too far away for comfort, others were not quite well-established.  Some had closed admissions for the year, while others had not yet opened.  Painstakingly, we took down all the details, and tried to prioritise our next steps…

The following day, I took Pumpkin and went to the school that had “rejected” her without an explanation.  I wanted to see the principal and understand what could possibly be behind that decision.  I was almost certain that the confusion regarding Junior and Senior KG was behind this result.  The lady at the reception, however, refused to hear my case.  “Exams are going on.  You can meet the principal only after the 28th”, she said.  “But, the last date for paying fees is the 25th”, I protested.  No impact.  Then, on a hunch, I went to check the Sr. KG list.  And, there it was… Bachwani Pumpkin Naveen.

I showed Pumpkin her name on the list, and went back to the receptionist.  Her name is on the list, I said.  I need to speak to someone to sort this out.  What followed is a series of events: An interaction with a teacher and Pumpkin, a meeting with the Vice Principal, another meeting with the Pre Primary Coordinator – all to ascertain whether or not Pumpkin qualifies for admission in the Sr. KG.  The final verdict – She was more than capable of handling the curriculum of Sr. KG, and the school would be happy to have her on their rolls!

At each stage of interaction, that day, I could’ve walked away without a solution.  But, I persisted.  And, it paid off.  Not only did she make it, but every one in the school agreed that she is better suited for a higher level class… Finally, I could call BossLady and tell her that Pumpkin’s admission is done.

When I think about it now, the circus act wasn’t half as exciting as the carnival of admissions that ensued… What an experience!!!

Update : May 2008 :

Pumpkin’s admission to the school we really wanted her to join, finally came through.  She will be joining Bombay Scottish, Powai in June!

Parenting is no big deal.  Any adult basically gets a free hand in bring up their child the way they want to.  (Is it any wonder that there are so many badly behaved kids out there?)  “Good parenting”, however, is a totally different ballgame!

A recent post on one of my favourite dad blogs – Metro Dad – reminds me that I am not alone in my endeavours…

SANTA CLAUS: THE CARROT AND THE STICK

… On the plus side, she learned about Santa at school. She doesn’t know about the elves or the North Pole or any of that shit. However, she gets the gist that if she behaves like a good girl, Santa will bring her presents.

For the past month, whenever she started giving me attitude, I’d just give her the Korean Death Stare (KDS,) reach for my cell phone, and say, “That’s it. I’m calling Santa right now!” Wham! Total obedience.

And now, even though Christmas is over, I’ve got the whole thing down to a science. Whenever the Peanut gets cranky, I just lean over and whisper softly in her ear, “Santa.” It’s awesome.

Needless to add, for the past few weeks, me and the mrs. have also been using the “Santa Claus” card to get our almost-four-year-old to have more vegetables.  Every meal time practically involved a tick mark against a checklist, and a ‘minimum total’ was required for Santa to even consider a visit to our house, this year!

This is also not the first time that we, as parents, have resorted to a ‘trick’ to get our child to do something good.  If you’re a parent of a pre-schooler, by now I’m sure you all have that one DVD your little one loves to watch a million times over (our’s is Finding Nemo) – the one you pop into the DVD player when things really get unmanageable!  Even as children, some of us have grown up to stories of the “old man” and the “wicked witch” designed to turn up at the house at all times that the parents deem fit.  At home, we always refrain from scary stuff, but a little carrot or a stick doesn’t do any harm, right?

On googling some more, I was surprised (or was I?) to find an entire site dedicated to these so-called “parent hacks”.  And, the menu was quite impressive, ranging from “Easy diluted juice ice cubes” to “Taking the temperature of a squirmy toddler”!

Ever so often, I have watched children misbehave at home and in public, while their parents do almost nothing to alleviate the situation.  I’d like to believe that at least some of these parents do so, simply because they don’t know how to do it any better. 

This post is dedicated to all those unfortunate ones. Head over to ParentHacks.com today, and borrow some solutions to the problems you may be facing every day.  For the more fortunate folks, there’s plenty of good advice to last you a lifetime.  So, don’t hesitate to dig in.  And, feel free to contribute to the collective wisdom, should you have a good “hack” of your own… Who knows?  Your advice may just save someone from months of despair!

Here’s to a better world…

P.S. Santa did visit us this year, and brought Pumpkin a lovely whiteboard for Christmas!

A friend asked for “more photographs” of the little Tiger, and I found myself answering that we don’t have any more.  That’s when she – a mother of two – pointed out: “It’s different with the second one, isn’t it?  You don’t find yourself going out of your way to record every little movement of his on camera, like you did with the first one, right?”

And that set me thinking… Is it, somehow, any less important an event this time?

There is, of course, less apprehension and anxiety, this time around.  Especially since this is not our first time as parents of an infant…  Each time he hiccups or coughs, we don’t get scared, as we did when Pumpkin was born.  Each time he sleeps longer than his typical time, we don’t worry ourselves to death, or check if he is still breathing…  We’re more relaxed as parents, now that we’ve been through all of it before.  But, that’s not all there is to it, is there?

A number of things could have gone wrong in the pre-natal stage and, as it turned out, a number of things did go wrong! 

The triple marker test showed an increased possibility of potential chromosomal abnormalities.  Ultrasound scans could not confirm or deny it, so an invasive procedure called amniocentesis was required.  Several weeks of agony followed, but fortunately, the genetic tests confirmed that there was no cause for worry.  Just as we were beginning to celebrate that little victory, we discovered that the cervical os had opened up prematurely.  That meant another week in the hospital, a surgical intervention to arrest the problem, and several months of bed-rest in a head-low position!  The baby had to stay in the womb for as long as possible – That would be the best chance for his survival!!!

Slowly and steadily, secure in his mother’s womb, the baby began gaining in weight and size, dramatically increasing his chances with every gram being added.  Over the span of the third trimester, the weight of the baby went from about 500 grams to nearly 2.8 kilos! 

Finally, on the 16th of October, Tiger was born…  A healthy, screaming baby boy, brought into this world through a “normal” delivery.

It’s only in the medical world where “normal” often means something quite extraordinary!  Here is this little human being, weighing less than three kilos, and not yet able to stand or sit.  He is not even aware that he has hands and legs and fingers and toes – his awareness of his own extremities only begins after a month or so. He still has a soft head because the plates in his skull haven’t yet fused together, to make it easier for his large brain to be delivered through a woman’s birth canal…

According to one anthropologist, the human baby actually has a gestational period of 18 months – 9 spent inside the womb and 9 spent outside!  All this is necessary just to maintain Evolution’s fine balance between an upright walking man/woman (and hence, the necessarily small size of the pelvic bone) and the intelligence he/she is endowed with (necessiating the extra-large size of the brain)!

Even today, after the so-called “normal” delivery, the newborn infant demands constant attention.  The smallest of problems can become insurmountable when the human body is not yet developed enough to combat it.  Not to mention, inexplicable phenomena like SIDS that can strike without a warning.  But that’s what Life is really about, isn’t it?  Surviving against all odds… evolving from strength to strength… making it all happen!

One day, if all goes well, this living mass of tissues now unable to hold his own neck up, will stand high among his fellowmen, and face all that Life has to offer… And then, one day, when he unites with a partner, he will himself become a channel for a new life to begin… And so, the dance of Life will continue…

If that’s not a miracle, what is?!

Wikipedia writes:

He was a mystic poet or poet sants of India, whose literature has greatly influenced the Bhakti as well as Sufi movements of India.  According to some sources, he was born to a Hindu Brahmin widow and later adopted by childless Muslim weavers – Niru and Nimma - who found him near Lahara Tala lake, adjacent to the holy city of Varanasi.

A contemporary of Guru Nanak Dev, who sang the ideals of seeing all of humanity as one, and also the path of natural oneness with God; some even believe him to be the preceptor of Guru Nanak.

His teachings are distinguished theologically by inward-loving devotion to a divine principle, and socially by an egalitarianism opposed to the qualitative distinctions of the Hindu caste hierarchy and to the religious differences between Hindu and Muslim.

He is also one of the 99 names of God in Islam.

PoetSeers adds:

When he died, his Hindu and Muslim followers started fighting about the last rites… The Muslim followers buried their half and the Hindu cremated thier half. In Maghar, his tomb and samadhi still stand side by side.

Finally, Wikipedia has a “disambiguity” page on him!  The name I’m talking about is Kabir!

To be honest, when the wife and I decided to name our second child and only son – Kabir, we did not know all these facts. (Elsewhere on this blog, he will be known as “Tiger”)

While we received many many emails from friends and family, commenting on the excellent choice of our son’s new name, we also heard cautious comments from wellwishers who were “concerned” that the name sounds “too Muslim”.  “It may make things difficult in the future”, some of them said…  “You know how 9/11 has changed the way the world responds to Muslims in general”, others commented…  It’s all one global village – you know how it is?

Naturally, the wife was also a bit concerned.  Was it too Muslim-sounding after all?

This post is my response to all those fears of all our near and dear ones.  No, I do not think that it sounds “too Muslim”.  And, so what if it does?  If anything, the poet’s life was dedicated to opposing the differences between Hindus and Muslims!  Shouldn’t that count for something?

Incidentally, our Kabir is born to a Hindu father (whose Sindhi community follows the Guru Granth Sahib of the Sikhs in which Kabir’s words are included!) and a Mangalorean-Catholic mother.  Not to mention, his baptism is scheduled for next month.

Some ambiguity can make for an interesting life, don’t you think?