A few weeks ago, I ran into a friend who’d recently started reading this blog.  He was surprised to note that I actually have two kids!  Then, some days later, my wife remarked: How come you don’t post stuff on Kabir, like you so frequently do on Khushi? 

My immediate reply to her was that the “interesting stuff” comes later, and I’ll post when I have something to post about.  But, it sure got me thinking: Was I really discriminating against one child, unknowingly?

I know that, as a parent, I have a “different” relationship with my boy – Kabir – than I do with my daughter Khushi.  But, I’m not sure exactly why.  I searched the archives and discovered that the last time I posted something on Kabir was way back in March.  Why was that?  Really.

He has not even begun talking yet.  All he does (all day, really) is nurse and play.  Now that he’s started crawling, he loves to chase his elder sister, all around the house.  He loves perky music, and dances while sitting in one place, moving round-and-round in a circular pattern, with peculiar hand movements.  And, he loves to see me come home from work, rewarding me with a big grin each time!

So, it’s not what he’s doing today, as much as what I think he will do tomorrow, that’s different.

For starters, he’s a boy.  And, will not need half as many accessories as Khushi does even today.  That includes hair clips, hair pins, hair bands, perfumes, skin cream, face cream, party shoes, party belts, jackets, etc. etc.  (She does look adorable when she dresses up, though…)

Thanks to the presence of little Kabir, as the years go by, I also hope it gets a little easier to maintain my sanity around a house filled with a daughter, a wife, a mother, a sister and two maids – It’s an all-woman team! 

Frankly, I don’t know what his likes or dislikes will be.  I’m not sure if he will fancy fashion magazines or football.  I have no idea if he will be a quiet, reserved and shy preschooler or a loud, aggressive brat.  Be that as it may, he holds the promise of a buddy – someone who will “get” how men think.  And, someone, for whom I can be the one who “gets it”.

I know that a “Father and Son” relationship is quite a different ballgame.  And, I anxiously look forward to the new experience…

A long trail of links led me to a shocking story about the death of a baby on a flight to India:

Minutes from landing at the Indira Gandhi International Airport on June 17, Krishnamoorthy and Sujata Mohan noticed that their four-and-a-half-month-old baby, Aditya, had stopped suckling. He was declared dead on arrival.

Aditya’s parents’ have posted a detailed account of what happened on flight 229, and started an online petition, in an effort to “ensure that no other parent ever suffers through the ordeal of seeing their baby die in their hands while in an aircraft”:

As a parent, I will continue to re-live Aditya’s final moments, asking myself if I could have done anything different to save the life of our child. I will never be able to forgive myself for not having acted differently, whatever that action could have been. Similarly, I want Jet Airways and authorities to conduct a more thorough investigation of the above and other aspects and provide me the answers.

As a parent, I was left stunned.  Frankly, I have no idea how I would’ve reacted if any thing like this were to ever happen to me!  The least I can do, as a responsible citizen and parent of two, is bring up the subject for discussion on this blog.

Veeresh Malik, narrating his own near-fatal experience in a comment on the same post, made a cogent argument:

Cabincrew are increasingly, especially with private airlines in India, selected for their looks and appearance. Beyond a very basic St. John’s Ambulance/Red Cross First Aid Course, they get hardly any training in medical treatment…

What do these multi billion dollar airplanes have?  Zilch. A lady in a tight skirt who would not know a stroke or heart attack if it happened in front of her in spades and buckets… even a ferry crossing the English Channel in a few hours – has a full medical staff on board.

Now, I don’t know about young Aditya’s medical history, his parents’ level of basic health knowhow or the doctors’ credentials who checked on the little baby during the flight and on landing.  But, from my perspective, the post and the comments that followed, sowed the seeds for some difficult questions to be asked of ourselves:

* How informed should we, as passengers, be on matters of safety in a flight?

* How much should newbie parents know about health and safety issues, when travelling with infants?

* What should we expect from airlines/airports as the minimum standard of medical facilities?

As a Quality and Process Management professional, I also cannot help but wonder at the sheer criticality of designing a suitable process to handle such a crisis.  If the people who laid down the current policies and procedures knew what Aditya Mohan’s parents had to face, would they do any thing differently?

Once again, I am reminded of the importance of self-empowerment through self-awareness: Matters of health and safety are just too significant to be left to airlines, airports or even (in some cases) medical practitioners! 

As I keep reminding my friends and family, we spend more time and energy researching the next mobile phone or LCD TV we’re thinking of buying, than we do learning how to identify a heart attack or a stroke!

Start reading more on Health.  The time to do it is NOW!

Yet again, my lovely daughter – Khushi – uttered those wonderful words: “Mama, I love you the best of all !“  And, once again, my wife – Sonali – could not help but feel bad, wondering how I would be feeling about it. 

It had been happening more frequently than ever, lately.  Many a time, her little brother – Kabir – was also included in the superlative utterances.  The four items top-most on the list were : Mama, Kabir, Mary and Fluffy (her soft-toy) dog.  Mostly, it was Mama-and-Kabir, and sometimes also Mary-and-Fluffy.  But, never me.

So, when it happened for the umpteenth time the other day, I spotted some tears in Sonali’s eyes.  I told her I was really ok with it, and would explain it to her in detail soon.  I also remembered reading an eloquent post on this very dilemma, on MetroDad, so I googled it today to refresh my memory:

As I’ve mentioned here before, during the first year of the Peanut’s life, I was The Man!  To my lovely little daughter, I was the living embodiment of Christmas, Elmo, and an all-you-can-eat ice cream buffet…

But after her first year, I dropped in the standings.  BossLady was #1, the nanny was #2, and I was a distant third.  When we switched the Peanut to daycare, I thought I’d move up to the #2 spot but I was quickly displaced by one of the Peanut’s teachers.  Damn!

Now, although I have a vicious competitive streak, I would never try and compete with the BossLady for my daughter’s affections… So, if the Peanut loved BossLady more than she did me, so be it.  C’est la vie.  I wasn’t going to try and compete for her affections and I was just going to have to learn to accept that, in her own little way, the Peanut loved me too. Mature, eh?

Well, internet, I’m proud to say today that…I’M NUMBER ONE!  WOO HOO!  THAT’S RIGHT, AMIGOS!  NUMERO UNO!  WHO ROCKS THE PARTY?  I ROCK THE PARTY! NUMBER TWO IN YOUR PROGRAM, NUMBER ONE IN YOUR HEART!  I’M THE MOTHERFLIPPPING RHYMENOCEROUS!  HEY!  HO!

My own perspective is not unlike the one that MetroDad has blogged about.  Up until the point where he does reach the Numero Uno status, that is.  (I still haven’t!) 

Sure, there’s a part of me that craves for the attention that the wife enjoys with Khushi, even if it’s just for a little bit.  But, most of the time, I’m glad that Sonali and Kabir are that someone special for Khushi.  (And Mary, who’s loved her unconditionally since the day she was born.) 

In fact, there was a time when only Mary had the #1 status, and there were no #2 to # 10!!! 

So, when Khushi did grow to knowing her mother and understanding how much she loves her, I was only too glad.  Today, my little Kabir has shot up to the top spot from nowhere.  And, that’s alright too.  Some day, the list may also include moi… I’m not in a hurry.  As a wise man once said, “No appointment, No disappointment”. 

Bottom line: I couldn’t have asked for a more loving family.

Five months have just gone by in a flash…  It seems like only yesterday when little Kabir was born.  But, in these past months, he’s graduated from being a scrawny newborn to a healthy and happy baby, all of eight kilos, and getting heavier by the day!

Since this is a second child in the family, comparisons are, of course, inevitable.  Even though the mrs. and I had both agreed that we would not put undue pressure on either child by comparing it with the other one, harmless comparisons in the third person continue to be a part of our conversations…

He’s already taller than Khushi, and fairer too.  The clothes she wore when she was six months’ plus are already getting smaller for him!  Khushi used to make potty quite frequently, but Kabir has mastered the art of making that mega potty (yes, it’s the only way to describe it!).  She did not blow any bubbles like he does… he blows them all day!  See how soft his skin is?  Her’s was also as soft, wasn’t it?  (In fact, some of our wellwishers, on learning about my new book, even remarked that I should write another one for Kabir!)

Finally, it comes down to one thing – Isn’t he so CUTE?

Kabir is a really good looking kid, I must confess.  And, he has a beautiful smile to go with it.  And, it does not hurt that he is so generous with his smiles.

When I think of all the times that he just spots me in his vicinity and breaks into a smile, or when he cranes his little neck to follow my movement in the room, I can’t help but think – It’s all worth it.

Babies are simply irresistible, don’t you think?

The wife sent an sms: “The courier has come”.

I’d been ordering books home for a while now, and a courier delivery was not an uncommon occurrence.  But, this particular one was much awaited.  I’d anticipated its arrival for quite a few weeks, in fact.  And the entire process had taken nearly a year to come to this stage… The reason?  This was the delivery of a book authored by me!

Yes, after months of searching, I’d found a publisher for my first work!!!

Thanks to the platform provided by IfIWereABook.com, a few publishers had expressed interest in my manuscript.  And, with one of them – Sanbun – I’d managed to take this to completion.

It was in the making for a few months, after we’d first signed on the dotted line.  After all, there was proof reading and editing, designing the cover, finalizing the content, etc. etc. etc.  Unlike perhaps the works of Penguin or Harper Collins, in this case, I was pretty much doing all of it except the actual printing. 

Finally, on 5th March 2008, the delivery was made.

This book reproduces many of my blog posts on the subject of “fatherhood”, in a book-friendly format.  It traces the journey of my experience as a parent, from my first child’s birth to the time she reached about three years of age.

It’s a slender little book, all of 48 pages.  It should be available in select stores in India, soon.  It’s priced at Rs. 100.  And, it’s got its own ISBN code!  Of course, the royalty cheques haven’t started pouring yet.  But, it’s a start, isn’t it? 

The publishers have promised to make it available to their distribution network, and send out some copies to a few wholesale buyers to guage the market potential.  If the initial response is enthusiastic, more print runs will follow…

And, as much as it fulfills my own dream of “publishing a book one day”, this little project is also a means for me to leave behind a little something for my daughter Khushi… The story of her life!  I only hope you enjoy reading it, as much I have enjoyed writing it.

Read More: Bundle of Joy